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It took us quite a few years of diligent practice to make those intentions real, but gradually everything fell into place.For example, it's been nearly 15 years now since either one of us has spoken a blameful or critical word to the other.The Third Practice Notice your feelings and thoughts, and speak about them to your partner.If there are things you've done or feelings you're afraid to talk about, make sure to speak about those to your partner.The Second Principle Relationships thrive when each partner learns from every relationship interaction, especially the stressful ones, instead of running programmed defensive moves.Some popular defensive moves: criticizing, lying, sulking in silence, making noisy uproars, numbing out with food, drink, smoke, TV and other habit-forming drugs.

The Fourth Principle Relationships thrive when people keep their agreements impeccably.We wanted to create a relationship that ran on positive energy instead of up-and-down fluctuations of negative and positive.We'd found it taxing and tedious in earlier relationships to go through repetitive cycles of get close/get into conflict/get close/get into conflict.If that kind of relationship magic appeals to you, here are the operating instructions, as clearly and simply as we can make them.We have taught these principles and practices to more than 20,000 people in our live seminars, as well as to larger audiences on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" and other programs we've been on.The Sixth Practice Invent new ways to appreciate the other person every day, and speak appreciations frequently.

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